*banner reads beard enthusiast meeting*
*bunch of people with beards are standing around*
man 1: nice beard
man 2: ok. i have a confession to make...
man 2: this isn't actually my beard
man 2: it's just a several well-trained squirrels that sleep on my face
man 1: i have a confession to make too
man 1: this beard is just hair i collected from my dogs. i was jealous of your beard
*3 others approach the 2 men talking*
man 3: we overheard you guys talking
man 4: i think we all have something to confess
*next week*
*banner now reads beard envy support group*
*all the men and standing around beardless staring at a picture of a person with a beard*
